8 weeks…and I miss you


That’s how long it’s been since I blogged! 8 weeks.

I’m not sure how that’s possible.

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In those 8 weeks my heart has been torn in so many different places.

I really wanted to devote more time to blogging. To make this place what I dreamed it could be. But at the same time I always sensed it wasn’t quite the right time. I couldn’t place my finger on why, exactly. But maybe now I know.

On March 28 my mom suffered heart failure and slipped into a coma. One she would never return from. My mom passed away on Sunday, April 7. Just three days before her 67th birthday. The last few weeks have been filled with so many different emotions. Pain over the fact that my mom was going to die. Joy that she would be at home with Jesus, with a new body, and reunited with loved ones gone before, including an infant son who died 40 years ago. Peace that could only come from the Holy Spirit through the many, many prayers of family and friends. Anguish over decisions no one should ever have to make. Sorrow over watching my dad go home alone, without his companion of 45 years. Comfort from seeing so many people come out to support our family over this time. Hundreds.

My mom touched a lot of lives. And I miss her. Even now the tears come as I type.

I miss her great, big, hearty laugh that could be heard across the room. I miss her smile. I miss her voice.

I think about the fact that no one will ever bake Hartshorn Cookies like she did. No one. Or cream puffs. Or pie.

I hate to think of my kids growing up without Grandma. They’ll miss her birthday cards and Christmas gifts.

I think of all my mom taught me over the years. How to be a hard worker. To not complain about your lot in life. And when life knocks you down, you just pick yourself up and keep going.  You don’t quit. She taught me how to keep house. How to cook. How to garden. She let me explore my creative side. She let me be myself, even though it was hard for her when I turned out to be different than she wanted or expected me to be. She loved and accepted me anyway.

I miss her.

023And I’ve really missed you too. I’d like to hop back in, if there’s still anyone here reading this dusty old blog. Bless you if you are! I wouldn’t blame anyone for giving up on this neglected blog of mine.

About my card. I made it using a mixture of my Studio Calico kits. This one uses paper from the Neverland kit and embellishments from various past kits.

I also incorporated some stitching and paint splatters. I wanted this card to have a dreamy, ethereal look, and I love how the patterned paper helped me achieve that.

The sentiment is this one from Market Street Stamps. I stamped it in grey, but stamped it off once for a softer look and omitted the last word.

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Before I go, I’m assuming most of you already heard about Google Reader being shut down in July. If you do follow my blog via Google Reader there are other options. You can follow my blog on Feedly, Bloglovin or  Netvibes. I’m currently using Feedly and Bloglovin’. Deciding which one I like better. I use Feedly when I’m on my iPhone, which is often how I read blogs these days. I’m not really sure which one I like best for reading on my computer since I haven’t really tried either of them out a whole lot. I still use my Google Reader and probably will until I can’t any longer. But just so you know that there are other options.

If you’re still here reading this, thank you. I know I skipped out for quite a long time. I’m back. I’m really back this time. Thanks for sticking with me!

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9 thoughts on “8 weeks…and I miss you

  1. Glad to have you back, so sorry about your mom, but wonderful to know where she is and that you will see her again. This card is lovely, it’s beautiful, but I can feel the soft ache in it (sorry if that sounds weird). Glad that you are able to find some solace/comfort in crafting.

  2. Oh my dear, dear Brenda! How saddening it is to hear about your mother! It’s very nice to have you back again sharing your lovely talent with the world! I agree with what Miriam said about your card showing the soft pain you are still feeling. It sounds like you are able to remember her with fondness and that her life lessons will be with you for a long time. Thank you for letting us pray for you throughout this time!

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. It makes me want to go hug my parents and tell them everything I appreciate about them! I pray that our loving Father will comfort you during this valley as only He can…

  4. Please accept my prayers for you and your family at this really sad time. It is nice to have you back with a very pretty card though

  5. Brenda I am so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you can take comfort in the fact that she is with our Heavenly Father and is no longer suffering or in pain. Your card is beautiful and your emotions and the ache that you are feeling does show through in a beautiful way. I am happy to see you posting again and know that I will be praying for you and your family.

  6. Dearest Brenda, I was praying so hard that your mom made it through. Somehow I thought she had. I am just so saddened to hear otherwise (tears streaming down my face as *i* reply), but I know that she is in God’s care and her spirit watches over all of you. My heart breaks for you, your dad, and all those affected by her loss. Your card and post is a beautiful tribute to the mother, wife, and person that she was. God Bless you, honey. †

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